Librarian Plus Janitor Equals WHAT?
by The Lime-Wielding Ninja
Summary: Harry Potter was right all along. There IS something between Madam Pince and Filch. What it is, even they aren't quite sure. This proves to bring chaos. Not slash, although it might be hinted at in the future. I don't own the characters.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that might show up in this story. Sigh.**

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Librarian Plus Janitor Equals WHAT?

Chapter One: 

Today was his day. Like it or not, he was going to talk to her. Argus Filch, caretaker of Hogwarts and hater of all trouble makers (a.k.a, students, Peeves, Voldemort, etc.), took a cautious step down the hall towards the library. And another. And another. And then in the opposite direction, much faster, his heart pounding with fear.  
Why couldn't he just talk to her? He'd not had any trouble talking to her when their mothers had invited each other over for tea. That was before she'd gone to Hogwarts...

_Okay.__ Relax. Just like old times, no different than talking to him during tea at Mrs. Filch's._ Irma Pince, librarian of Hogwarts and hater of those who dared touch the pages of books without care (a.k.a, students, non-librarians, Voldemort, etc.), darted towards Filch's office, slowed to a halt halfway, and retraced her steps to the other end of the hall. This time determined, Irma walked right up to the door, paused to get a basic idea of what to say, and knocked gently on the office door. She waited half a second before running back to the safety of the library, amazed at her own daring. She'd actually made it to the door. Phenomenal.

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**A/N: I can't remember which book it was in, but Harry was making fun of Filch and Madam Pince by saying that he'd always thought that there was something between them. Thus this fic was born.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I think that this is so sad! If I could, I'd totally cry. But it's just a fic. I can't cry about fics. Oh, also, be very thankful for the lack of spelling mistakes. This took me forever, italics are hard for me to write in.**

_July 25__th__, 1942_

_Irma Pince, an 11-year-old girl with black hair cropped short, dashed down the street to the Filch's, her pleated skirt fluttering weakly behind her (she couldn't run very fast) and a piece of important-looking parchment in her hand. When she had finally reached 25 Mabel Street, she stopped to catch her breath and knocked on the door._

_Mrs. Doreen Filch, a very short Yorkshire woman with rather non-descript features opened the door to find Irma, very out of breath, but quivering with excitement._

"_Hi, Mrs. Filch! Is Argus around?" she asked._

"_Yes, I think so. Just a mo'," replied Mrs. Filch. "__**Argus!**__ Irma's at the door, should I let her in?"_

_There was a moment's pause as Argus, inaudibly to Irma, answered his mother._

"_He says you can come in. Try not to take too long, he's shut himself in his room all day and I don't think he's too well."_

_Irma walked into Argus' room, which was uncharacteristically clean for a young boy's room. He was sitting on his bed, looking at his feet._

"_Gus, did you get the letter?" said Irma._

"_What letter?" said Argus with a rather thick voice, as though he'd been crying._

_Irma sat beside him on the bed. "You know, Gus, the Hogwarts letter."_

_Although he stayed silent, Argus shook his head. "I guess that that confirms it, then. I really am a Squib."_

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	3. Chapter 3

Library Plus Janitor Equals WHAT?

Chapter 3

He was heading towards the trophy room to reprimand some miscreants when she passed him in the hallway. Irma Pince, with her steel grey hair cut and curled just below her ears, her thin face serious, and her stride direct and brisk, began to walk past him, but stopped. Looking down at her heeled shoes, she blushed, smiled, and made direct eye contact with him. And there was now no possibility that he could avert his eyes from her deep brown ones.

It seemed like an eternity before he could even think of stuttering, "H-hello, Irma." And another eternity before she responded with a simple "Hello, Gus."

_Oh no, that was the wrong thing to say. But it was instinct, I couldn't help it! And now he's going to think I'm going senile, because I called him by his childhood nickname. Oh dear, I'll never be able to talk to him._ Irma looked away from him, but stayed frozen to the spot, fearful for what Argus would say.

_She remembered my nickname. I thought everyone forgot it, but she remembered._ In fact, Argus Filch was quite flattered by Irma's slip-up. The librarian later realized that if she had not made that one mistake, he would have never said to her "Irma, when's your next holiday?"

**A/N: How did you like this chapter? I think I did rather well, but I'm not too sure. So, readers, REVIEW!**


	4. Chapter 4

Librarian Plus Janitor Equals WHAT?

Chapter 4

Argus Filch would have been dancing down the halls the next day, had it not been for the severe arthritis in his knees. He went about his usual duties, whistling a happy tune, and barely even took notice of the young couple snogging in his supply cupboard. He merely tipped his hat to them (Argus usually didn't wear the silly thing, but he'd been listening to an old '50s record with love songs on it last night, and deemed the boater appropriate for his mood) and returned to the hallway on the third floor where Peeves had thrown several dung bombs. The day was glorious and sunny, the trouble-makers remained relatively dormant, and he'd set himself up a date with Irma for the Thanksgiving weekend.

Irma Pince turned the page of her romantic novel, barely paying attention to the plot. She and Gus were going to Hogsmead together for the Thanksgiving weekend, and she thought about it all the time. She'd have to discuss it at the girl's night (it was formally called the Ladies' Tea, but Irma always thought of it as more of a girl's night) that happened each month or so, all of the female staff at Hogwarts invited. They always gossiped and chatted about which students they though were dating, which ones they'd caught doing inappropriate things. The conversations usually kept Irma going through the month, because she'd mostly listen; this time, she'd be the one talking.  
"Excuse me, Madam Pince," whispered a fourth year Hufflepuff, "could you tell me where to find the section about plants and herbs?"  
Ordinarily, this question would have been answered briskly and directly. Today, Irma said "It's five shelves down that way, and about halfway down the aisle, dear." The student was stunned at Irma's sweeter-than-ususal tone of voice for a moment, expecting the sharper answer. The fourth year shook her head and went along her way.

**A/N: I was reading a book today by one Gideon Defoe (I think that's his name). I've copied his style a bit here. I didn't mean to.**

**This is a piece of insanity I've been saving up for a while, just letting it build until I can let it explode, full force.**


	5. Chapter 5

Librarian Plus Janitor Equals WHAT?

Chapter 5

The night before Thanksgiving holidays was starless and cloudy, and it was dark in Argus' room. Very dark indeed. And it was here that his insecurities crept up on him once again.

What if she'd only said yes to be nice to him? What if she really thought he was just some poor old sod with no social life?

What if he forgot when to pick her up?

No, those were silly concerns, especially that last one. Why should he worry about forgetting when to pick her up?

"Wait," he said, rolling over. "When _am_ I supposed to pick her up?"

.:. :.: .:.

Irma found herself unable to sleep, so she went down to the library to find a good book to read. The flickering shadows cast by the candles in brackets on the old, wooden bookcases of the library no longer frightened her, though they had during the first few years of her career as librarian.

The office chair she'd bought herself stood behind her desk, but she wheeled it out to the fireplace, now containing only coals. The book she'd chosen was a good old romance from the fifties, and Irma was only a few pages in before she fell asleep, dreaming of holding hands with Gus on a swinging loveseat.

**A/N: I felt guilty for not posting for a long time, so I tried to make this chapter good, really, I did. It's short, but I hope it's good enough that you will forgive me for not updating.**


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